paradise ali

This is one of my favorite songs.  It was released after Anna died.  She would have loved it, too.  She lived this way. 

Like You’ll Never See Me Again

 If I had no more time
No more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?
If I couldn’t feel your touch
And no longer were you with me
I’d be wishing you were here
To be everything that I’d be looking for
I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don’t wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
‘Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you’ll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you’ll love me
Love me like you’ll never see me again

Oh oh oooh

How many really know what love is?
Millions never will
Do you know until you lose it
That it’s everything that we are looking for
When I wake up in the morning
You’re beside me
I’m so thankful that I found
Everything that I been looking for

I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don’t wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
‘Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So everytime you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you’ll never see me again
Can you do that for me baby
Every time you touch me
See we don’t really know
Touch me like this is the last time
See everyday we never know
Promise that you’ll love me
I want you to promise me
Love me like you’ll never see me again
Like you’ll never see me again

Ooh oooh oooh oooh oooh

–by Alicia Keys and Kerry Brothers, Jr.

Saturday is Anna’s birthday.  I want to celebrate her life, to be proud of what she accomplished, to be happy for the time that she was here.  I AM grateful for her love and friendship.  

So why am I crying and missing her so much?  Why am I still angry at her for dying?  Why does it still hurt so deeply that it feels like my chest will cave in with every breath?  Why can’t I just let her go and accept that she’s an angel driving the big rig of her dreams? 

It comes and goes.  Most of the time, I’m fine.  Every now and then, I’m an emotional wreck. 

Today is just one of those days.

April 2, 2008 And here she/he is! This was taken at about 10 weeks. Ultrasound technology sure has improved since my childbearing days. Not that those days are ancient history or anything. What a difference a decade makes.

April 1, 2008 We’re having another grandbaby in November! He/she will be my oldest daughter’s second child. I think “Zeta” is a girl. It’s been quite a while since we’ve had a baby in the house. Lots of babyproofing to do but we’ve got time. My daughter is doing well, no morning sickness. Yay for her!